But I will end this feeling as soon as God gives me His answer. I won't to be like this anymore. It's more than 8 years. And now I can see how fool I was.
From the start I always pray to God. I prayed for him when I remembered him. I wish I could be a part of his life, his own breath. When I looked to the sky, I always thought "Ah, there's our star! The brightest one! I wish you could see that!" I want to be there, I want to go to the place where he take his path. I want to be with him. I want to be his side. I want scream out loud to him. I will shout how happy I am if I can be a lil piece of his memories. But I know. It's my selfish side. I even don't understand his heart.
They told me not to depend on a man. But I just think about him when I saw another man. "Are you better than him? Do you good on singing while playing guitar? Can you play soccer or badminton? Can you lead a team for a project?" I always take my mind onto him. My friends show me how great a man who they like. But I always say, "No! He is so ordinary." I must be crazy so many times!
I just wish I could understand his feeling. I just want to know what he feel about me. I like him from deepest of my heart. I'm afraid he will get farther if he knows my feeling. So I can't tell him. Sometimes I hate him. But so many times I miss him. Sometimes I curse onto him. But so many times I praise him.
He keeps amazing me. How he talks to me. How he looks at me. How he curse me. How he motivate me. How he cares to me. How he hate me. Everything he did to me. It keeps my eyes to those!
So, what can I do? A woman who don't mature yet like a man who totally amazing. I like him. I want to know his feeling. But I won't told him what my feeling is. It's hard to say. It's hard to live like this too. I want to let him goes if he's not my destiny. I won't be so selfish. I like him. So I let him to go what he want to go, be with who he wants to be with. And I'm ready to get hurt more.
Falling in love means to get ready to take the pain and hurting so many times. Because human always has his/her own perception.
